Ni de aquí, ni de allá

 

Growing up I was never sure what side of the border I belonged to. I was born in El Paso but lived in Juárez. I could only speak English in school, and only spoke Spanish at home. I knew my family was from Mexico but I never learned about Mexican history in school. Many of my friends were Americans who did not understand my culture and occasionally turned it into a joke. I was constantly exposed to both Mexican and American pop culture and felt like I constantly had to pick a side. Every day was a culture clash. I was either too Mexican to be American or too American to be Mexican. I have often had people challenge my heritage and claim I’m “not really Mexican or Latinx” because my experiences and interests don’t align with stereotypes or their preconceived versions of what I am supposed to be like. Whether it’s my interests, my ability to speak multiple languages, my knowledge of Latin American history and traditions, or even the way I express myself through art; it never seems to be “authentic enough” for some.

Being Latinx/Chicanx is not a universal experience, we all experience our culture differently. It is through those differences that we can either choose to remain open-minded and welcome new perspectives or we can choose to remain ignorant by assuming ours is the only authentic experience and the only way of doing things. For cities like Juárez and El Paso, two cities that have both been deeply affected by violence and corruption, it can be difficult to convince others that there is more to experience there. Many only see that violence and choose to ignore all the rich history, culture, and wonderful people that live there. The cities’ reputations are reduced to simply being “ugly” and “boring” when they offer one of the most unique cultural experiences out there. I would be lying if I said that the violence wasn’t there. I have seen it and been affected by it in one way or another, but this isn’t the only thing that defines these cities for me. It would be remiss of me to not acknowledge all the beauty that resides in those cities as well. The delicious foods, the talented locals, the culturally and historically significant landmarks, and the natural beauty of the desert landscape. Both cities have so much to offer if one simply takes the time to look past their assumptions of what they think they are.

This series was inspired by a personal desire to reconnect with myself, my culture, and my hometowns of Ciudad Juárez, Mexico, and El Paso, Texas. The result is this ambitious series that is a love letter for the borderland I call home. I chose 15 locations in Juárez and El Paso that hold a lot of meaning to me. Places that remind me of specific moments in my life, and traditions, and that I feel are worth visiting if you are ever in the area. Places that I think reflect the beauty I see in the borderland every time I visit. I also chose 15 songs from my childhood and early teens as accompanied listening. These songs helped me deconstruct and reconstruct the pieces I initially painted to reflect the characteristics and experiences that make up a person, the complexities of life on the border, and the ways people express and partake in their culture. They reflect the many ways someone can look at and experience places like Juárez and El Paso.