I was inspired to create this series of prints after watching the television series Midnight Mass, created by Mike Flanagan. In it he provides a philosophical and somber look at the Catholic religion, inspired by his own Catholic upbringing, atheism, and eventual sobriety. I do not practice any faith at this point in time, but the lessons I have learned from Catholicism throughout my childhood and adolescence are still with me and have affected me in more ways than one–although not always for the better. Upon finishing the Midnight Mass I decided that it was time to revisit my relationship and experiences with Catholicism.
While many associate religion with personal growth and faith; I have often associated it with trauma and discomfort. I spent my childhood believing in God, attending mass, and learning theology in school. I was sent to private Catholic institutions by my parents and participated in the sacraments of initiation. I have also spent most of my life feeling ashamed of who I am and what I enjoy. I have carried guilt for sins I have never committed. I have spent years participating in rituals and celebrations, not because I wanted to, but because I was expected to do it for other people’s comfort. I have spent many years being unhappy with myself and changing things about myself out of fear that others would hate me for who I really am. I have seen what a powerful and frightening thing faith can be. I have met people who have been saved by it and I have met people who use it to manipulate others for their personal gain. I have seen faith unite communities and rip others apart. All these things, always justified with, “it is in the name of god…it is the will of God.” So, I decided to revisit these moments and feelings in order to reflect on how they affected me and what lessons they taught me. I decided to reflect on how these experiences have shaped me over the years and how I can learn to be a better person because of them. I would like to be someone that others can look to for kindness, friendship, and comfort. I would like to be able to be myself, the best version of myself, for those that need me and allow me to be a part of their lives. I did not ask to be born, nor did anyone else, existence is a mystery that way but as long as we’re here we might as well enjoy it, learn as much as we can from it, and take a chance at solving that mystery. This is one of my attempts.
This series is not intended to be a critique or an expose on Catholicism nor is it intended to speak for anyone else’s experiences with Catholicism. This is me sharing my personal experiences with Catholicism and how it has shaped me over the years. This is my experience and mine alone. This is me confronting some of my most uncomfortable and personal life events that I have rarely discussed with anyone in my life. It is also me attempting to understand the effect they had on me and how I can learn from them now as an adult who is trying to do better for themselves and others. This is me speaking through my art. This is me.
